The Purple Fop

If I was ever to own a bar, I’d like to call it “The Purple Fop”. As is the way these days, it would need a tagline, and I would suggest that you couldn’t do much better than “where regency decadence meets post modern zeitgeist.”

With that name and tagline, the whole concept of the business falls neatly into place. The décor would be mock regency, all chandeliers and pastel striped wallpaper. The clientèle would be well-heeled, pretentious poseurs, professional footballers, metropolitan go-getters, media types and dim-but-wealthy party animals. Drinks would be outrageously priced. They would have names like “The Madness of King George” (a cocktail of 9 parts of absinthe, 1 part vodka – just to dilute it a bit) or “Madame Guillotine” (a cocktail of 1 part absinthe to 9 parts battery acid – for drinkers who might find “The Madness” a little tame). You could stretch to existing cocktails like the Scarlet Pimpernel (made with Pimms) if you really had to, but new versions of old ideas would be the most popular. Your customers wouldn’t really be original thinkers or even remotely creative, so would be happiest adapting the familiar and pretending it is new. The lavatories would be named “Ladies” and “Dandies”. Security would be told to only admit guests if they were flamboyantly dressed. A supply of bonnets, ruffs, lacy cuffs and velour waistcoats would be kept in a “dressing-up cloakroom” just in case a super-rich celebrity showed up dressed unadventurously. They could then be made to wear these clothes, a bit like when you were young and turned up for PE without your kit, only this time it would done with panache, rather than acute embarrassment.
Including the word post-modern and zeitgeist in the tagline would attract all the superficial people in your city at a stroke. The joy of this concept is that anyone who is shallow, rich and basically stupid would be drawn to it like a bear to a honey-smeared salmon. Which gives me an idea for the menu…
Next time you’re in town, call in to The Purple Fop - where regency decadence meets post modern zeitgeist.