New definitions of old words #71

DUMPLING

a very tiny poo

A Roman Slave Did It...

The huge number of people claiming to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's orphan child could be seen as quite heart warming. Here we have a poor little waif orphaned at a tender age. Luckily they shouldn't be parentless for too long as a queue is growing of men claiming to be the father. A cynic might think that the $240mn fortune this child inherits is a motivation, I prefer to think of it as a reaffirmation of the goodness of modern mankind. Could you stand by and let some unfortunate child go through life with no parents? Not even somebody as shallow as Madonna could do this, she even adopted a child BEFORE it was an orphan.
The line of people saying "I'm the father" reminds me of the scene in Spartacus where a whole hillside of slaves defiantly stood up and said "I'm Spartacus". The only difference being that their reward was substantially less than $240mn.
I urge you all to say "I'm the father".

Is Rachael Ray taking over the world?

When it comes to creative variations on Pizza, you can’t beat the Americans. I really thought that they’d hit the depths with Rachael Ray’s “Pizzagna” creation. This was the dish that, as she kept explaining to her presumably stupid audience, was a cross between Pizza and Lasagne. Really? We’d never have guessed.
The “30-Minute Meal” show was hugely entertaining, not from a food-lovers perspective, but more from an “oh my god, the Americans really are stupid people with a rotten diet” angle. I’m simply not used to seeing cookery programmes that say; “to make a béchamel sauce, simply open a jar of béchamel sauce and pour it in the pot”. It’s not exactly challenging is it, Rachael?
It appears that the woman is making up her own language now. When I saw EVOO listed as an ingredient in a recipe I had to Google the thing to see what it was. EVOO turns out to be what the rest of the world calls Extra Virgin Olive Oil. People seem to be buying her EVOO as well. I wish I had thought of this. I might try and market APOH – a pinch of herbs. I may need to change its name for the US market and promote it as APOU – a pinch of “urbs” due to American failings in the pronunciation department.
As if all this wasn’t bad enough, the geek in me was searching Google’s website for Firefox add-ons when I find this link: ttp://www.google.com/tools/firefox/index.html.
With this add-on you can add text clippings, images and links to your Google Notebook and share them with friends. The clipping they use to illustrate the point is Kraft Foods.com’s “Pizza on the Grill” recipe! What kind of diet and what kind of friends must you have to want to share this clipping with?
Visit this blog next week for my very own “Pizzaroni Bolognese alla griglia” recipe, made with EVOO, APOU and SOSQUAT (some squashed tomatoes).

Snow Day

One of the joys in life is our local Arboretum. Here is the view today from the Coach House.

Bird Flu

The UK Government are issuing all sorts of advice to inform the public of the risk from Avian Flu. I have read some of it and it appears that the best way avoid catching the disease it to follow this simple advice: "don't handle infected birds." This rule of thumb has served philanderers well down the ages and is still relevant today.

What makes a nation tough?

The UK has had 1 inch of snow overnight, causing chaos in the transport system and half of the country’s schools to shut for the day. Admittedly 1 inch is well over 25mm of snow and it did fall within 24 hours, but even so, it is hardly a problem.

It beggars belief that Britain used to control 1/3 of the world.

How did they ever manage to conquer and rule Canada, for instance, when they can’t even deal with a “light dusting” of snow in their own country? Are Canadians getting tougher? Can you face any danger with a strong heart simply by wearing a toque? What were the Victorian Brits made of that the current lot aren’t? Perhaps there’s something to be said for covering up the legs on pianos and having antimacassars on your armchairs.