Successful businesses move with the times

From the mead halls of Valhalla, comes a new business the likes of which you’ve never seen before. No more, the terrified screams of people running away from hordes of flaming torch-bearing rapists and pillagers. All you will hear now are the delighted squeals of people opening parcels full of competitively-priced stationery items delivered next day. The Viking Office Supplies catalogue has arrived.

Who would have thought that the Vikings would have diversified into office supplies in anticipation of a downturn in the rape and pillage market?

Surely there were other more complementary industries for psychopaths with a trading inclination to go into - nightclubs, scrap metal, football or the drugs trade for example?

Did the conversation in the longship go along the lines of?
Olaf Forkbeard:
"So, Erik the Red, when we hit landfall, are we going to ransack the convent again? I can’t wait to get my hands on all those yummy nunnies?"
Erik the Red:
"No, Svein Forkbeard. We have to put a stop to all our mead-fuelled high jinks. The times have changed and we must move with them. The systematic treatment of women as sex objects has no place in Dark Age society. We went on the Nunwalks and we learned that although women may dress as nuns it doesn’t mean that they are “gagging for it”. We went on the Slutwalks and we learned that “No” definitely means “No” and not “Unhand me you herring-breathed brute…oh, go on then”.
Erik the Red:
Fair point. What about pillage, plunder and looting. That’s still OK isn’t it?
Olaf Forkbeard;
“Have you not heard of Fair Trade you plaited-pig-tailed horned helmet wearing fool?
We need new ideas that don’t exploit local populations. Ikea Ikeasson, what do you think we should do?”
Ikea Ikeasson
"How about we sell all the bits of smashed up furniture we stole from Lindisfarne back to them. We could throw in a bag of screws with each pack with instructions on how to put them back together”.
Olaf Forkbeard;
“That’s an awful idea you plaited-pig-tailed meatball eating fool. You’re fired. Tiffany Tiffanysson, any ideas?”
Tiffany Tiffanysson
“We could turn all our looted gold and silver into amulets, rings, amulets and err, amulets”
Olaf Forkbeard;
“That’s an awful idea you plaited-pig-tailed bling-encrusted fool. I’m out. Staple Staplesson, do you have anything sensible to offer?”
Staple Staplesson
“There’s got to be a gap in the market for cheap stationery delivered to your door by longship. You can never find vellum or quills round here, especially since we burnt down all the monasteries and stole the cattle and geese. Hur hur”.
Olaf Forkbeard;
“By Thor he’s got it. That was en evil laugh, but we’ll overlook that as you don’t get anywhere in business without being a heartless bastard. Office supplies it is. I’m in”