GBH

Middle-aged pub musicians across Britain need to be afraid. The Government have just introduced a new criminal offence targeting all those pub cover bands that murder once loved rock n'roll and blues classics. From now on, anybody mangling an old rock n' roll tune could be arrested and charged with Grievous Bo Diddley Harm, or GBH for short.

Willy Wonka

It's Health and Safety gone mad I tell you! Have you heard that all Wonka bars now have to carry the warning "May contain traces of Augustus Gloop"? It's a scandal. Children know what's in them, they are happy to take the risk. Adults - grow up!