Iron Maiden

Did you know that the only song sung in English and Icelandic ever to make No. 1 in the UK pop charts was "Bring your dottirs to the slottir" by Iron Maiden?

Rural Britannia

Traditional British Bed & Breakfast

Welcome to the Rural Britannia, a B&B where overseas visitors can experience life in an authentic British family home. Our B&B offers you the chance to see what life is like for people living in modern Britain. Some of our house rules may appear different from usual hotel etiquette, but we strive to create the ultimate “British Experience”.

Breakfast

A traditional English breakfast of a piece of toast or a bowl of CocoPops is served in front of the TV every morning from 7-9am. For children the TV room will be open from 4am-7am. Breakfast of either a bag of crisps or a slice of toast (unbuttered) will be available to take with them. Children must only eat breakfast outside.

Dinner

Our chef is able to order in a range of hot take-away food from a variety of sources. Whether you want fried chicken, curry, pizza, something Chinese, something deep-fried or just a traditional burger, all our food is locally sourced from one of the many fast foot outlets and vans on our nearby industrial estate/ leisure complex.

Guests are reminded that all used cartons or wrappers are to be left on the floor in the dining room, out in the street or disposed of in our neighbour’s front garden. Please do not use the bins.

Entertainment

A typical British evening’s entertainment is provided. For adults we offer a well-stocked bar and 52” wide screen satellite TV together with X-Box , Wii and Playstation. Children are banned from the house from 6pm – midnight. For their amusement we have a range of facilities nearby including a bench, a street light and a half-vandalised bus shelter. Red Bull, Vodka and Cider is available at discount rates from the local corner shop or supermarket.

Smoking

Guests are reminded that smoking is forbidden indoors. You are asked to smoke in the road or on the designated patio area. Guests are asked to leave cigarette butts on the floor provided.

Noise

Guests are free to make as much noise as they like.

Pets

Britain is a nation of animal lovers. Pets are welcome in all rooms. Please be aware however that due to public health scares most breeds of animal are culled annually to protect the public from the rampant disease caused by animals. The following dates are approximate times for this year’s culls. It is advised that you don’t bring the following pets with you at these times.

March – badgers (may possibly spread Bovine TB)
April – Pigs (rising feed costs)
May – Poultry (threat of bird flu)
June – Sheep (threat of blue tongue)
July – Cattle (threat of CJD, if the bovine TB didn’t get them first)
August – Domestic Cats (no particular reason)

The Fruits of My Research - Shlomo

The popular Hebrew given name Shlomo does not actually mean "peace" as some believe, but is in fact Hebrew for "action replay". People who speak like Sean Connery also use the word in this context.

It's all about communication

"How best to display figures showing rising levels of obesity?" was the question. "Will graphs have the most impact?"

What about using a "Who ate all the pies-chart?" I asked.