Celebrity Kidnap

I am working on a pilot for a new Reality TV programme. It is called Celebrity Kidnap and the idea is that each week 2 people compete to see how much money they can raise from ransoms paid for celebrities they have kidnapped. It will be a winner as it has all the elements of great TV. It has famous people in stressful situations, adventure, small amounts of criminality (ahem..), ordinary people getting rich, glamour, seediness and there's a winner and a loser.
So far I am holding Bobby Davro in my garden shed. His ransom has been set at £15 but as yet there are no takers. I have Basil Brush chained to the Black and Decker Workmate. He can walk for £10. Mr Roy will cost you £5 more. I've took Elaine "EP here" Paige hostage but she is really annoying me now and if you'll take her off my hands I'll give you £20 a signed copy of the "Evita CD" she takes everywhere with her. My loft is full of the panpipe-playing Bolivian tramps Incantation who should raise about £50 for the set. The only problem there is that they are eating my chilli con carne faster than I can make the stuff. Also, the loft is beginning to smell a bit.
My efforts aren't going too well but my competitor, Jack, is planning on kidnapping someone called Justin Timberlake. I've never heard of him but Jack tells me that he's a bit like a modern day Roger Whittaker. Jack is hoping for $5-$10 million dollars.
He assures me that we should cover all demographics with this line up, make millions and soon be in a position to be featured on MTV Cribs. I just hope they don't want to film in my loft.