Handwriting

My handwriting is so bad that for years I was Britain’s most illegible batchelor.

Fashion

He's very well dressed, but not very bright. He thinks IQ is a men's fashion magazine.

Too intelligent to write songs

Don’t know much about Biology, but I do know that osmosis is the transfer of the stronger to a weaker solution through a porous membrane.
Don’t know much about Geography, but I do know that Lima is the Capital of Peru.
Don’t know much about trigonometry, but I do know that the square of the hypotenuse equals the sum of the squares of the two adjacent sides.
Don’t know much about the French I took, but I do know that Monsieur Marsaud a mal á la tête.

Scottish Tea

Picture a family standing in the kitchen looking distraught at the deep-fat fryer which has sprung a leak.
Ma says "Och, the deep fat fryer isnae working. Ye know wha that means"
Son says "Aye, there'll be nae pizza for tea tonight!"

Captain Picky

I felt obliged to pick a new colleague up on an email message that was a little ambiguous. I signed my message to her as "Captain Picky" in an attempt to not appear too pedantic. She replied "Its always a good thing being picky especially if you are a Captain ha ha".
And that is my motto for the day.